The Emoji Movie (2017)
2017
Gene, a multi-expressional emoji, sets out on a journey to become a normal emoji.
User Review
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The Emoji Movie is a "meh" slowly turning into an "angry" and finishing on a "poop" emoji. When a film, any film for that matter, garners near-universal disdain from everyone, naturally my curiosity spikes up more than Christina Aguilera does when singing "Heyyyyyy!". I like to give these so-called atrocities a chance. Well, I gave this film a grand total of two whole minutes before my mind digitised itself, allowing my soul to escape through the streams of Spotify. Urgh, here we go. A supposed "meh" emoji is experiencing multiple expressions and glitches the phone's software, forcing the human to question whether he should delete his phone or not. This "meh" emoji sets out on a quest to become "normal", accompanied by none other than James frickin' Corden and Anna Faris.
I'll warn you now, this review, much like the film's narrative structure, will be a splurge of hyperactive thoughts with no comprehension whatsoever. So, with that in mind, let's talk about the cast. Possibly the most generic, uninspired and downright lazy voice acting cast list I've ever had this misfortune of listening to. Miller? Boring. Corden? I want to kill myself. Faris? Generic. Rudolph? Unnecessary. Aguilera as the Just Dance avatar? Pointless, other than to get her annoying pop trash inserted into the film...twice! Vergara as Flamenca the "flamenco" emoji? Stereotyped. Sir Patrick Stewart voicing a talking turd!? What, why? It was just an awful cast.
Nearly as bad as the corporate propaganda that existed in every single frame of animation. If the characters aren't in the messaging app, they're playing Candy Crush or having a laugh in Just Dance. Director/writer/abomination Leondis ensures that the characters explore serious applications as well. YouTube, Dropbox and Spotify make an appearance also. However, the real kick in the teeth (if you have any left after the first thirty minutes) is the actual fact that these emojis didn't need to visit these apps to get to Dropbox. Corporate advertising in an attempt to get children to download them in reality. Disgusting.
The story itself is uninventive, taking clear inspiration from other grander animations including 'Inside Out', 'Wreck-It Ralph' and 'The Lego Movie'. Forced feminism, pandering idiocy, James frickin' Corden having way too many lines of death-inducing dialogue and soul-crushingly unfunny. None of the supposed humour landed at all. A "poop" emoji saying "we're number two". A "shrimp" emoji uttering "me and the boys are gonna throw ourselves on the barbie" (likening itself to a stereotype of Australians). "Monkey Business". "Konnichiwa". "Ohh...my colon!". "Merry Christmas"! I can't. I just can't do it!
Why did the writers include a character named "Jailbreak", an unorthodox process to unlock one's phone! Why would the human girl all of sudden fall in love with the boy, after sending an emoji! When did humanity bond over a frickin' image of an animated face on their phones! The animation was bland, the central message was more obvious than the large pay cheques the actors received and more noisy than a rampart night alone.
Leondis founded the concept after receiving an emoji. Was it a "skull" or "poop" emoji? Because come on! Where was the artistic merit? Oh, and the film's premise was likened to the director's sexuality with the whole "being different in a world predominantly expecting everyone to be of one thing". Listen, I'm homosexual, but I wouldn't make this atrocity to illustrate my suppressed sexuality to the world. I'd rather stay in the closet.
Whilst not the worst animated feature ever (sorry 'Foodfight!'), it certainly is amongst the lower echelon of family-friendly titles that failed in every aspect. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to continue playing 'Angry Birds Island' and get passed level 258...0 member like this review.
