Gigli (2003)

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  TheMovieDiorama

  1 / 10

  Gigli gobbled up its romcom promise as if it was "turkey time". Oh boy. I'm questioning my life choices right now. To say that Gigli, sorry I mean "Jee-lee" if we're being pretentious, is a romantic comedy is the equivalent of stating that chlamydia is a health benefit. You couldn't be any more wrong if you tried. Jiggly has no purpose. It has no plot. Heck, it doesn't even have a script. Just "Bennifer" demonstrating their toxic relationship for all of us mere mortals to see, for pleasure. Excuse me while I casually cut both of my wrists with a kitchen knife (an actual "comedic" scene from the film...).
  
  So, what is the infamous Giggli all about? No idea. The plot is so bizarrely written and directed by Brest, that half the time I had absolute zero clue as to what was happening. Something to do with kidnapping a mentally challenged brother of a federal prosecutor. But who the actual frick cares about that insensitive onslaught of "comedic ingenuity". Brest didn't! His focus was having a straight man forcibly manipulate a gay woman into questioning her sexuality because romance. A-frickin-hilarious! With Affleck overacting every line of dialogue whilst shouting "MAAA!" every minute and Lopez still thinking she's "Jenny from the Block", there was no chemistry. I mean, there is an actual scene where she is performing yoga, talking about phallic sea slugs and her "pussy"? (Urgh, hate that word...). I can't.
  
  It was so bizarre. I just wanted the "it's turkey time. Gobble gobble". And I had to sit through two hours of nothingness and self-loathing to get there! Christopher Walken waltzed in for two minutes, adding nothing to the story! Al Pacino for frick's sake shouting his ass off like he's Tony frickin' Montana, shooting a guy in the head (in a romcom!!)! Why is there a Dido lookalike slashing her wrists? This isn't "White Flag"! Why the hell am I questioning this? With no romantic chemistry, no laughs and no plot, Jeegillgiligliy is essentially an insensitive mess that would rather focus on bulls, cows and pronouncing the frickin' title surname "correctly". Yeah, I can pronounce it: "sh-iiii-te".

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