Shark Night is one fishy night I shall not be remembering anytime soon. You may remember in previous reviews for 'Piranha 3D' and 'Sharknado' that I have acquired a sort of dislike/hate relationship with B-movies centred around fishy fiends. Well, today I just witnessed the worst of the bunch. Shark Night. In glorious 3D! And I kid you not, as soon as the film finished I turned my lounge upside down in a fit of unattended rage. This was awful. In fact, awful seems like a compliment. Imagine sharks mating with characterless college youths and giving birth to atrocious CGI monstrosities and involve them in a story that has the stupidity and boredom level of watching a Brexit debate. Yeah...that! Seven college friends from the University of "I don't care" spend a weekend together in a swampy Louisiana lake, when all of sudden...! Shark Night! In 3D!
The best shark films are those that know they are incomprehensible dumb shark films and just go with it. Maybe not to the absurd levels that 'Sharknado' took, but grounded with some realism like 'Deep Blue Sea'. Shark Night takes itself seriously. Intentionally or not, this plot lacks humour, characters and humorous characters which essentially sets itself up for one heck of a serious movie about salt-water sharks in a lake. Never mind the token black guy getting chomped first and required to, and I kid you not, hold a spear so that he can kill the sharks.
Ellis' last directorial efforts before his death had the unfortunate issue of acquiring a low certification. This meant no nudity, gore or profanity. Y'know, all the things that make B-movies fun. It's so horrifically executed, terrible CGI and obvious green screens included, that as soon as the ridiculously good-looking friends reach the lake you'll want to turn the film off. No bite, no swimming, no acting, no characters, no souls, no fun and I've realised I have no life. So yeah. Shark Night. In 3 frickin' D.
