I’ll go ahead and get the puns out of the way by saying that “Unfrosted” is a half-baked disaster of a comedy that’s as stale as a three day old Pop Tart. This complete mess of a movie (from director, co-writer, and star Jerry Seinfeld) tries so hard to be clever by stuffing itself with whimsy, but this imagined history of Kellogg’s famous breakfast pastry is a complete failure in every way.
Set in Battle Creek, Michigan in 1963, this candy-colored film tells the (highly exaggerated) “true” story of cereal rivals Post and Kellogg’s and their race to create a new product that could change the face of breakfast forever. When Kellogg’s Head of Development Bob Cabana (Seinfeld) discovers that his heated adversary Marjorie Post (Amy Schumer) is secretly working on a sweet pastry using information stolen from his office, Bob recruits the best of the best to ensure his company is the first to get a product on grocery store shelves. With the help of CEO Edsel (Jim Gaffigan), innovator Stan (Melissa McCarthy), and a team of other “geniuses” (Adrian Martinez, Thomas Lennon, James Marsden, Bobby Moynihan, and Jack McBrayer), Kellogg’s may just have the edge they need to beat out Post.
It’s a good story, but too fictional to really work as a history lesson on breakfast foods. Seinfeld (along with co-writers Spike Feresten, Andy Robin, and Barry Marder) does his best to insert plenty of family-friendly humor into the script, but the majority of the jokes and one-liners are absolute clunkers. It’s as if the writers, who clearly think they are far more clever than they actually are, either forgot how to be funny or are catering to the dumbest people in the room (it’s probably a little bit of both). The movie feels like it’s made for kids with its cartoonish, goofy style and performances, but the jokes will mostly go over their heads which doesn’t matter because they aren’t funny anyway. Desperate to please audiences, Seinfeld even rips off movies that everyone likes like “Forrest Gump” and throws in some casual mentions about how things like TANG were invented (also highly embellished or flat-out untrue).
It’s also painfully obvious that the film is banking on its string of celebrity cameos (including Christian Slater, Hugh Grant, Kyle Mooney, Cedric The Entertainer, Mikey Day, and more), using the platform for the director to showcase his buddies from the industry. Seinfeld parades them around like prized ponies in a sad attempt to distract audiences from the film’s clear lack of substance, but there’s only so much these big names can do. Everyone does the best they can with the material they are given, but the loudest scream of desperation comes from the closing musical number and accompanying gag reel of bloopers. (If you decide to torture yourself and watch this movie, just fast forward to that part and be done with it).
“Unfrosted” probably had a hint of potential somewhere, but the end product just isn’t very good. If everyone involved in this isn’t embarrassed, they should be.
