A psychopathic twelve-year-old girl in a small town in Nebraska recruits all the other children and goes on a bloody rampage, killing the corrupt adults and anyone else who opposes her. A bright hi...
So umm…..remember Firestarter from last year? It was a boring slog of a remake based off another movie based on a book that many claim wasn’t all that good to begin with…..and I went so far as to call it one of the most boring movies I’ve ever seen.
Well, it appears I gotta take boring over whatever they did to Children Of The Corn AGAIN because this might very well be one of the most pointless remakes ever.
Kurt Wimmer’s track record as a director and writer hasn’t really improved since the early 2000’s. His direction does little to establish any set of rules or worldbuilding that would explain anything, playing fast and loose with continuity without putting in the work to ensure the narrative structure works around and during pivotal moments that require such attention.
My general impression behind the use of the camera and editing here was…..strange. Sometimes scenes linger about for too long or are just superfluous and the visual storytelling that accompanies it crumble like stale breadcrumbs. With the exception of landscape frames, not much else stands out as the set and production design come across as really superficial and even haphazard in a few areas.
Most of the acting is inconsistent, the music throughout is stock and generic, the final twist of the story is laughably appalling with silly, unconvincing butt ugly CGI and gore effects and the clunkiest dialogue I’ve heard yet this year.
Never mind how every character is essentially an unlikable tool and not a single one of them have plausibility; literally the way they all speak drastically contradict their age. A few character’s, I can make exceptions for; the rest? Not so much.
Fluidity and momentum is sorely lacking with this story, as the writing teeters between confusing, lazy and shambolic too many times to keep track of. From the opening scene onwards, everything just feels immediately misplaced and awkward off the bat and blood-soaked apathy clogs the rest of the plot along until it becomes a rotten husk. The story is meant to be this slasher version of “Lord Of The Flies” with impulses of religious zealotry and intolerance that were starting to take shape by the late ’70s. It has all those elements ON PAPER and a litany of thematic and narrative possibilities with its sociopolitical themes, such as clashing over stewardship of the environment, climate activism and the rise of fascism and the movie does nothing with it. They partially get developed at all and left me chomping at the bit for a different type of story that I, ultimately, never received.
While I don’t mind the story’s tone being overly self-serious, it became problematic once it became clear that the story had no idea where it was going. As straightforward as it appears, nothing about what happens in this plot makes any remote shred of sense; I get that when watching horror, you’re expected to suspend your disbelief a few times but this was a whole other level of illogical. It’s just so much dead air and infuriating repetition with redundant minute jump scares that drag all tension away from the proceedings to where even the killings become senseless. And even with a brisk pace at 97 minutes, the film gives off the impression of moving fast and yet it feels like it’s barely moving at all; talk about a double edged sword!
I would bet good money that there was heavy interference in the production of this flick and reshoots had to be carried out that undercut any kind of good intent.
The ONLY thing that came out of this movie slightly unscathed is Kate Moyer, the girl who plays the possessed cult leader. With her hammy delivery as this conniving villain with shades of genocidal intentions, she’s the most enjoyable aspect of this film by a mile and a standout amongst all the other inconsistent performances. I wouldn’t mind seeing her in another horror movie again……only this time with a better script.
It really is befuddling how you make 11 separate remakes off the same one story over 50 plus years and there still isn’t a kernel of positivity to be found in this cornfield. At least Firestarter knew what it wanted to be but did a terrible job in telling it. This story pulls its punches from the beginning and digs itself into this bottomless void where nothing happens and nothing matters.
Yet another defendant that pleads a strong case for itself to be put out of its misery.
