Daredevil is blinded by an overstuffed plot that feels more suited to an Evanescence music video. "Devil card, never leave the church without it". Honest to God, was fully expecting that line, that's the level of cringe we're dealing with here. Prior to this wonderful superhero blockbuster, I had no knowledge of Daredevil aside from his sonar ability. No, I've not seen the Netflix series, and no I hadn't read the comics. I simply just don't care enough. And after watching this, I really really don't care anymore. My refusal to summarise the plot in one sentence is justified, reason being is that the narrative is overstuffed with segregated sub-plots that it feels respectable to tackle them individually. So, here we go!
Unequivocally the basis of Sin Cit..., I mean, Daredevil is revolving around a blind wealthy lawyer who takes it upon himself to become a masked vigilante at night and nunchuck civilians to death (*cough* Batman *cough*). It's a tight, cheaply woven PVC gimp suit that provides no protection or added traits whatsoever, and due to the helmet covering up his eyes, Affleck's butt chin is more noticeable than the shoddy CGI. Thank the lord his eyes were covered up though, because Affleck's blind acting was more "derpy" than me trying to work out basic mathematics whilst heavily influenced by gin (hint: I look like Affleck).
So Matt Murdock, the eponymous character, yearns to annihilate the crime lord Kingpin for committing a crime that had influenced Matt's fight against criminals. Y'know, "justice is blind" and all that obvious rubbish that makes you want to heave. Ingenious casting of Clarke Duncan, I must say, just a shame Johnson never flippin' utilised him at all. Same can be said about the assassin Bullseye, with Farrell having a target etched onto his forehead in case we forgot who he was playing, who "never misses". The cruel irony is, that he missed atleast fifty seven times. Should've been called the "Inaccurate Irishman". Anyway, he's in it for no apparent reason, but Farrell did good with his cocaine fuelled acting.
But we're not done yet. Oh no. Half of the film focused on a blossoming romance between Matt and Elektra "Nachos", because she wanted guacamole instead of salsa dip if you catch my cold. Yet despite Matt thinking "hey, I am nacho boyfriend", his resistance proved futile. And so, as soon as they meet, they battle it out whilst precariously balancing on some seesaws in front of some kids in public. Oh, super basic choreography by the way, was slower than my nan (she can't walk sooo...). But before any of this excitement ensues, Johnson tackles the origin story of Daredevil in the most uninspired fashion by simply doing nothing with it. All of this is just the narrative, I haven't even touched upon the court ruling with Coolio that apparently is exclusively available in the Director's Cut. So much stuff, yet no actual substance. Amazing, really.
The action set pieces are plagued with Dutch angles, flashing lighting that will induce epileptics into seizure mode and grungy aesthetics to capitalise on Miller's style. The soundtrack though, oh God the soundtrack! Who knew that playing Evanescence's 'My Immortal' at a funeral would evoke my nostalgic emo phase. And then 'Bring Me To Life' during a training montage? I can't. It's too much.
As an album, Daredevil rocks. As a film, it's both blind and deaf. That's narratively blind and emotionally tone deaf. The film wouldn't end and all I wanted was a bowl of nachos whilst I fall asleep watching this snooze-fest.