Professional driver Frank Martin is living in Miami, where he is temporarily filling in for a friend as the chauffeur for a government narcotics control policymaker and his family. The young boy in...
Transporter 2 is terrible, but oh my lord I could watch this film everyday and not get bored. We all have guilty pleasures, not the good kind. The type of guilt that resembles 'The Room', 'Jennifer's Body' and even 'Birdemic: Shock and Terror'! Alright alright, not that bad...but Transporter 2 is just so much fun that I launch myself from the sofa, find a hose and flail it around like I'm Jason flipping Statham. Can't find a hose? I just use a pole instead. Frank Martin, for reasons unbeknown to us, is now the personal driver of a rich family. A sinister man, who already lives the lavish lifestyle, wants money and infects the family with a virus? But he injected the antivirus into himself? Yeah...me neither. The story is basic, simple, dumb, pointless and simply a means to set up the action set pieces. The acting is monotonous, diabolically dull and has as much heart as a kettle...(literally the first thing I could think of). The visual effects, and there are some, are incredibly noticeable and outdated. The script is functional...that's it. It's far too short and moves along at a rushed pace. Yet...somehow, somewhere...in the bottom of my hollow shadowy heart...I love watching this. Every. Damn. Time! The action set pieces are so exaggerative and absurd, that I literally just go with it. An undeniably sexy Kate Nauta in lingerie shooting two silenced sub-machine guns at a doctor's clinic. Statham annihilating henchmen with a hose, filling it up which strangles all those entangled in it. Statham flipping his car towards a crane hook which rips off a bomb with seconds to spare. Statham leaping from a car travelling at 6283681mph onto the wheel of a private jet before it crashes and burns. Statham dramatically getting his face licked by Nauta. Statham driving a car. Statham kicking ass. Statham speaking. Statham, Statham, STATHAM! No one else could pull this off, not even Liam Neeson. I'm taking my personal enjoyment into the rating, I don't even care. Can I watch this again now please?
