Sharknado (2013)

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  TheMovieDiorama

  1 / 10

  Sharknado...yup, sharks and tornados. I have no energy to write a witty introductory sentence. No puns. No jokes. Not even an opinion. Just the fact that this is a film about tiger, hammerhead and great white sharks swirling around in a meteorological vortex. A "film" that popularised the term "mockbuster" by being "so bad it's good". Well, newsflash. No, it's not a weather warning. But the simple revelation that Sharknado is "so bad...that it's still absolutely flipping bad!". Do not even give me the whole "it's self-aware" reason. The only self-awareness this disaster has is its title. The entirety of the runtime takes itself seriously to the nth degree, to the point where the derivationally abysmal plot manages to corrupt your mind and twist it into thinking you are watching a masterpiece. Don't be fooled by its own stupidity! Slap yourself, focus your mind and come to the realisation that bad entertainment is still bad! Thanks to this lovely piece of art, we have now coined the term "SyFy film". Horrifically terrible visual effects, including but not limited to: flailing sharks, crumbling buildings and civilians being sucked into fishy vortexes. The most inconsiderable attention to production design, again including but not limited to: extras directly looking at the camera as they flee from scarily rendered waves and actors convincing us that Los Angeles is on the brink of destruction whilst real civilians are driving past like it's a typical sunday afternoon. Acting so wooden and forced, aside from a slightly charismatically heroic Ziering, that you start to question your own existence. "We need a bigger chopper". Ha! I see what you did there. Clever. A few more quips like that and you could've garnered a smile from me. Leaping into a shark with a chainsaw is fine. But to then coincidentally rescue a friend who was eaten by that very same shark? Are you kidding me!? Nope. Sorry, I'm not convinced...by any of it. Sharknado has as much substance as fish guts being swirled around in a tornado of misery and depression. There? A better sentence? Good. I'm done. Fin.

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