Cats (2019)

User Review

• 

  d_riptide

  2 / 10

  Holy mother of bobcat bollocks, how in the name of Lord Gavins library of abandoned franchises did this hybrid feline atrocity called “CATS” get green-lit for a theatrical release? At best, this takes the cake for the most hilariously campy and weirdest movie-going experience I’ve had in 2019 but at worst, it’s one of the most stubbornly tenacious adaptations of a movie medium publication I’ve seen in recent memory. It’s pathetically short story, while simple, is executed HORRIBLY, the characters are either bland or just plain annoying, the dialogue passes any definition or interpretation of painful, the editing is metronomic, there’s barely any sublime musical, let alone any captivating dance numbers that got me humming to the songs, there’s no intoxicating atmosphere to pull me in, the hybrid CGI cat-fur mixing in with the painted faces of the actors are the stuff of nightmares and even though I haven’t watched EVERY show about CATS, I’ve seen enough to know that this movie half-asses, if not abandons the fundamentals of what made the show terrific for so many fans.
  
  
  This is probably the 2019 equivalent to Son Of The Mask not just because it’ll become something that will probably give a lot of people PTSD down the road but because this type of film shouldn’t have been so hard to make. The performances are horrifically amazing (with three exceptions), some emotional moments hit me better than I was expecting them to and there were two decent musical numbers and only one I liked overall but otherwise, I can’t in good faith recommend this movie to anybody unless you’re a die-hard CATS fan or were extremely curious as I was. It’s insane, it’s campy and it’s coked out but it’s the wrong kind of all of those things. I feel unclean! I mean, I can destroy this movie all I want but it’ll never get rid of the images that it has planted in my subconscious.
  
  
  They may haunt me forever.......

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