xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017)

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  TheMovieDiorama

  4 / 10

  xXx: The Return Of Xander Cage might be mind numbing entertainment, but that doesn't make it a good film. The original xXx is a good time. Vin Diesel, Russian parties (or Belarusian...I forgot) and the pounding soundtrack of Rammstein. It's just fun. Over a decade later, we have a sequel (discounting the Ice Cube abomination). Why? I don't know. Yet here we are. Xander Cage is recruited to obtain 'Pandora's Box', a device that seemingly brings down satellites and make them act like missiles. Cage recruits fellow multicultural (because that's important, obviously) xXx members to save the world. Generic technological spy plot blah blah blah, you didn't watch xXx for the plot. You watched it for the adrenaline fuelled stunts, the sheer crazy feats that Cage achieves. Unsurprisingly, this fell flat. Riding a motorbike on water? Sure. Jumping and flipping over moving traffic? Why not. Skiing down a jungle mountain? Wait what!? Props for the stupid stunts, they did indeed put a smile on my face. The inclusion of Donnie Yen doing his own stunts and owning every fight scene was perfect. The light sarcastic witty tone bursting throughout the script was fun. But that is all this film is...fun. Leave your brain behind and just watch the mindless action unfold. Even so, there are way too many issues here. Generic boring plot aside, Vin Diesel clearly loves himself too much that he constantly surrounds himself with beautiful women and relishes the chance for topless scenes. Extremely over indulgent, he is an action star unfortunately. The supporting cast, apart from Yen, were wasted. Toni Collette was a weird choice and Ruby Rose was underused. The visual effects were horrendously noticeable. Vin Diesel's stunt double was far too obvious, especially in fights with Yen. Caruso's direction was mediocre at best. Substituting Rammstein for electro pop music is the worst crime. Who doesn't love Rammstein!? The original was more memorable in my eyes, so I have to downgrade this. Fun but far too mediocre.

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