Catwoman (2004)

User Review

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  TheMovieDiorama

  1 / 10

  Catwoman makes coughing up a hairball more enticing. I have no words. I heard the chitter and the chatter, with many deeming this superhero disaster to be one of the worst films of all time. To say I agree would be an understatement. Holy leather catnip! This was torturous! Patience, a designer for a cosmetic company, is killed after witnessing the side-effects of their product. She is then (stay with me now) brought back to life by a cat who breathes on her corpse, granting her agile abilities of a cat. Thus becoming Catwoman. Completely disregarding its source material, Pitof's adaptation is "Purrfectly" terrible in every way. The story is quite simply nonsensical. A cat foresees the fate of Patience and decides to "test her" before choosing her to hone the powers of Catwoman. The eponymous anti-hero is not just the nickname for a jewellery thief. Oh no no! Pitof has better ideas! Catwoman is actually an entity of some kind that has been passed down since the Egyptians, bestowing the user the ability to climb walls, leap gracefully, devour fish and cat food, rub their nose in catnip and hiss at dogs. Quite literally embodying a cat (giving Patience a complete personality change). Why? Who actually thought this was a good idea!? Was it Halle Berry who nearly destroyed her career the same year as winning her coveted Oscar? Nope. Was it Sharon Stone who, much like her character, attempts to stay relevant and youthful? Perhaps. What about the overuse of horrific human visual effects that caused me to hiss at the screen? Nearly. The dull story that thinks it metaphorically showcases the negative connotations of using makeup? "Purrrhaps". Was it Pitof? Oh, definitely. The clichéd romance, plot conveniences and unusual addition of an R&B pop soundtrack made for an already outdated experience. But the sheer amount of quick cuts during the action sequences were unforgivable. Physically making me feel nauseous. To be honest with you I could go on and on and on, but you don't want to hear me drone on about how bad this disaster is. Everyone involved should be ashamed. Who even says "meowww!" after a fight?

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