Fifty Shades Darker (2017)

User Review

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  TheMovieDiorama

  3 / 10

  Fifty Shades Darker is the equivalent of having sex with someone you don't want to be with. By that, I mean you want the lights off so you can't see their face. So turn your lights off, and while you're up just turn the TV off as well because there is no point watching this. Granted, this is ever so slightly better than it's predecessor. But that's like saying cat litter tastes nicer than dog poo, they're both excrements. I mean where to begin with the story? Christian Grey yearns for Anastasia and becomes a creepy stalker. Will they? Won't they? Again, I don't care. Oh, and random people from his past keep popping up like an unwanted STD. Speaking of, we were graced with Mr Grey ripping off a condom in the first film, just to encourage safe sex. In this? None of that. Spreading disease at a rate of Oprah Winfrey audience members getting presents. "You get a disease! You get a disease! Everybody gets a disease!!". We have our usual accompaniment of pop songs to the raunchy sex scenes. Bending over a pool table, bed or even the floor...that's about as raunchy as it gets. I actually miss the whips...what have I become!? The sex now just seems forced as it's no longer a plot device, but isn't that the point of this franchise? The acting and chemistry between our two leads is much better and far more watchable, with less cringeworthy lines of dialogue. It's still damn atrocious, just more tolerable. The pace is horrendously sluggish! Two hours! Felt like four. So many unexplored sub-plots that amount to nothing. Rita Ora though...perfection. She genuinely seems excited to be there. No one else does, just give them their wages and be done with this series. Will I be watching this again? Nope. This is just the kind of thing I put myself through for friendship. Foolish me.

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