After a year-long hiatus from the communal screening experience in an actual movie theater, audiences deserve better than “Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard,” an unpleasant reminder that not everything about the movies is magic. This tired, humorless sequel to the 2017 film “The Hitman’s Bodyguard” is redundant, pointless, and isn’t even fun to watch.
Odd couple and bodyguard Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) and hitman Darius (Samuel L. Jackson) are back for another mission, but this time, there’s a twist: the unlicensed muscle is now assigned to protect Sonia (Salma Hayek), Darius’s feisty con artist wife. There’s a lazy plot about a power-hungry madman (Antonio Banderas) who wants to take out his anger on a global scale by attacking Europe, and the trio take it upon themselves to take down the villain and save the continent.
Hayek provides the most amusement (and it’s not much) with her volatile and fiery character, but even she is forgettable. A bigger problem is that Reynolds and Jackson lack chemistry. Even when adding together their star power, they cannot carry this project. It’s never a good sign when an appealing cast can’t salvage a movie.
This movie is so stupid. The script reads like a litany of f-bombs, with breaks coming from Reynolds as he attempts to drop some humor through strained wisecracks. Nothing is funny. The sexual innuendos are awkward and the one-liners flounder. Bloody gunplay serves as a stand-in for creativity in the film’s action scenes. There’s no point to the vulgarity or the violence, both of which feel forced and excessive instead of fun and enjoyable.
There is nothing I can recommend about “Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard,” unless you enjoy watching people yelling and cursing at each other for 90 minutes.