Poltergeist (2015)

User Review

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  TheMovieDiorama

  3 / 10

  Poltergeist is one remake that should remain in its ancient burial ground. Why would someone choose to remake the fantastic original? It would be near impossible to replicate/improve on the Hooper, Spielberg and Goldsmith ethereal dream team. Both frightening and emitting that accessible Amblin magic. Kenan's "interpretation" is essentially Poltergeist for the smartphone generation, and it sucks big red clown nose balls. A family reluctantly move into their new house, to which they start experiencing paranormal events, only to realise they moved onto of an ancient cemetery.
  
  Comparing this would be unfair, so I'm just going to conclude by saying watch the original instead. Please. Just do it. As a film on its own merit, it's littered with flaws. The horror is entirely absent. So much of the budget was spent on depicting this low-resolution spiritual world, that Kenan evidently forgot he was directing a horror film. We got jump scares, ranging from a rabid CGI squirrel to the wife gently placing her hand on the husband's shoulder (oooh scary!), and naturally we have no build up to these "scares". The severity in the lack of tension is quite astonishing. Really! It's like watching a family blockbuster! "C'mon 5-year old son who I have yet to name, let's watch Poltergeist!".
  
  The infamous clown sequence, whilst completely out of place in this remake, was probably the most notably chilling scene. But the legendary "they're here" quote and the impending tree sequence were just fluff. They held no substance. Atleast DeWitt and Harris gave functional performances. Rockwell looked like he just got out of bed, he cared that little. And the child actors? Urgh. Bring back O'Rourke (RIP)! Whilst it could've been far worse, the overwhelming sense of pointlessness looms over this tamely dull remake. "They're here"? Poor suckers, return back to 1982, I promise you'll have a better time!

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