Pompeii (2014)

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  TheMovieDiorama

  2 / 10

  Pompeii is a volcanic abomination. Oh. My. Word. Why do I own this on bluray? In fact this is the ONLY bluray I regret purchasing. Let's start off the review positively: it's pretty to look at (if one considers the decimation of a city pretty) and the costumes looked the part. That is all. I don't swear/curse in my reviews, if I did...good lord I would use them all. It all went well until the name Paul W.S. Anderson appeared...interestingly that's one minute into the film. He should NOT have had the opportunity to direct this. No! A historic event like this needed to be handled with care and sensitivity, not turn it into a nightmarish hellhole that made young teens go "oh wow look at all that fire!!". The damn editing is horrendous, half second jump cuts within the action scenes and the constant use of slow motion. This is W.S. Anderson, not Thomas Anderson!! Why give him a budget at all!? He just about got away with the Resident Evil franchise. The acting was damn near dreadful, in fact there was no acting!?! Carrie Anne Moss couldn't give a monkey's hoo-hah and Jared Harris was absolutely abysmal. Kiefer Sutherland actually tried, but ultimately failed. The script was monotonous and uninteresting, none of our characters have any charisma or personality. A Tamagotchi has more personality than these characters...jeez!? The story, the flipping story! Don't get me started. We are lead to believe that a slave and the daughter of a family in charge of Pompeii instantly fall in love and whisk each other away from the impeding doom that is Vesuvius. What. A. Load. Of. Balls. The love story in Wall-E was damn more realistic and captivating than this. What even was this attempt!? You weren't fooling anyone Anderson, no one! Did anyone actually even try!? This was an interesting event in history, so much so that some schools teach students about Pompeii. Advice to all teachers out there, don't show your pupils this film. If you do, you might as well get fired. More fired than Vesuvius.

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