Batman & Robin (1997)

User Review

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  TheMovieDiorama

  2 / 10

  Batman & Robin is essentially a relentless blizzard of puns. How to describe the legendary status that Batman & Robin upholds? It's icy cool. It freezes the competition. It froze my heart (and my critical senses). An avalanche of God knows what to be honest. I was numb to its cold touch. Unable to thaw my soul. Oh, and don't forget about the plants! Because Poison Ivy's garden needs tending and Robin was about to hit the honey pot. Christ, just...Christ. What was this Schumacher? What. Was. This? Batman and Robin must save Gotham city from an "endless winter" as Mr Freeze teams up with Poison Ivy to destroy the city. That's it. It really is that simple. It's clear that Schumacher was attempting to replicate the campiness of 60's Batman. But aside from the splendid set pieces and "what killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!", everything failed. Ev-er-y-thing. Clooney, with his luscious "batnips", has all the personality of melting snow. I could feel his boredom, and that's with his "batcard" because you should "never leave the cave without it". O'Donnell ended his career by wearing rubber lips and joyfully stating "chicks did the car!". Silverstone also ended her career by just being shoe-horned in. Schwarzenegger somehow turned in one of the more tolerable performances. Thurman...well, I don't even know? One moment she's all "we must save the plants!" to "my mutant plants are the deadliest". The script was just diabolical. There's no other way to describe it. "This is why Superman works alone.", "The Ice Man cometh!", "Great stems, though...", "Buds, too." and of course "How about slippery when wet?". Poison Ivy is hornier than a flipping rabbit. Mr Freeze can't say a sentence without mentioning ice. Robin just wants a car. Barbara apparently puts on a convincing disguise, "It's me, Barbara! I found the batcave.". This isn't even the tip of the iceberg. Oh no no no! Their boots conveniently turn into ice skates. Batgirl has "batboobs". The most basic of jumps are clearly wired stunts. And a bike race that looks like it should be a music video for 'The Prodigy'. I can't. I'm done.

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