The Rezort (2016)

User Review

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  TheMovieDiorama

  3 / 10

  The ReZort should've changed its horrifically disgusting title to the more apt "JuraZZic Park". Welcome to the ReZort! A paradise that allows your mind to escape, forgetting about the woes of daily life as you party all night, sunbathe on the sandy beach and shoot zombies whilst drinking a martini. Perfect, right? Initially, the concept sounds promising. Then the film plods along at a pace slower than a "shuffler" (how many more synonyms can one use for a zombie?), and the realisation that said concept is dumb as hell infiltrates your mind. Whatever. Ten years after a viral outbreak, survivors pay to visit a safari park that allows them to shoot zombies and release their suppressed emotions. That is until the security system shuts down and the zombies are all roaming the island freely, devouring tourists.
  
  When I jokingly mentioned it should be renamed to "JuraZZic Park", I wasn't kidding. It is an exact carbon copy of the entire plot and all of its conveniences. Even down to the safari jeeps! All I was waiting for was "Welcome...to the ReZort!" and then Williams' score to kick in. Or perhaps a zombie uttering "Alan!"? No? Fine. This blatant imitation resulted in a story that is as predictable as guessing which characters of the badly acted expendable cast were going to get munched on.
  
  The poor screenplay riddled with atrocious dialogue that forces characters to talk to themselves in order further the story, doesn't exactly help in establishing an emotional bond with these tourists. In fact, the film bravely infers some level of sympathy for the zombies as opposed to the "n00b-tubing" teenagers that just want to play 'Dead Island' or 'Left 4 Dead' all day. Approximately five out of the seven members of the group were hugely irritating and deserved to be zombie food.
  
  Several dumb moments, like having handcuffs that strap zombies in being remotely controlled by the central computer system "ReZortSys" (original...), which makes no frickin' sense except to unleash the undead when the system goes haywire. The final escape sequence was mind numbingly horrendous, with terrible explosive CGI plaguing the screen. Oh, and to start the film with its ending is a massive faux pas. Never understood why choices like that are made, it just negates any sense of suspense and unpredictability. It's a shame, as there are glimmers of succulent fresh meat within the screenplay. The refugee sub-plot had foundations to be interesting and the discussions involving PTSD had a glimpse of emotional substance. Not to mention the cinematography was beautiful on several occasions.
  
  Yet, everything else is handled with such mis-direction. It takes itself far too seriously to relish in its B-movie schlocky premise, never really taking full advantage of the "Z". Badly written, badly acted and badly titled. The ReZort doesn't leave me shufflin'.

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