Lady in the Water (2006)

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  TheMovieDiorama

  1 / 10

  Lady In The Water dragged me down to its watery grave. The start of the relentless downhill slope that is Shyamalan's career, this fantasy drama is murkier than polluted swamp water. What did I just witness? Seriously, I mean seriously! This isn't a film, it's a production that conveys his self-indulgence as he, not only writes, produces and directs this atrocity, but also plays a supporting role to which his character is a "visionary whose writing changes the world". That's not even the worst part! Right, so a superintendent of an apartment complex encounters a young girl in the swimming pool who he discovers to be a water nymph whose life is endangered by a beastly wolf creature. So, the residents assist in returning her to the "Blue World". How? Let me just clear my throat, get ready...! By seeking everyone's purpose in life so that the Symbolist can read cereal boxes to identify a Guild of seven sisters, discover the Healer and the true Guardian, so that a giant eagle can swoop in and ferry her back to the "Blue World" before she succumbs to the wounds from the Scrunt who avoids tree monkey peacekeepers known as the "Tartutic". What. The. Actual. Heck? I'm flabbergasted. Astonished. Shell shocked. Fantasy films are fantastic for evoking imagination and an underlying sense of creativity. But this is not the way to do it. It's not! Characterisation was weaker than diluted juice. The expositional narrative had fewer thrills than a tsunami. The acting, aside from Giamatti who just couldn't save the story from drowning, was more painful than accidentally getting shampoo in your eyes. Honestly, I was blinded by Shyamalan's acting. He actually thought he could act! The plot itself is nonsensical, not because it's an overwhelmingly fictitious story, but because it's undisputedly unfocused. It was as if Shyamalan was writing the story during the filming of the production. It's not metaphorical. It's not allegorical. It's a fractured fairytale that will leave anyone perplexed. Possibly one of the worst cinematic disasters I have witnessed. A damp fantasy flick that, when rinsed, drips drops of vapidity.

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