Scary Movie 5 (2013)

User Review

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  TheMovieDiorama

  1 / 10

  Scary Movie V not only killed a franchise, but a whole sub-genre. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if we never get parody films being produced ever again after this. Holy. Mama. Flipping. Spoof. Balls. What a monstrosity. I can't believe I endured it. I've done it guys! I actually watched the whole thing in one sitting. I've evolved as a film critic, and I didn't press B to cancel. Throw anything at me, I'll watch it. Unstoppable. Uncontrollable. Un-flipping-believable. I am...that guy. A family adopt two feral girls and move into a house that is haunted by a mothering ghost. 'Mama' plus 'Paranormal Activity' divided by 'Cabin in the Woods' multiplied by 'Inception' and halved by 'Fifty Shades of Grey' equals one of the worst films I've ever seen. It's not even bad good...it's just plain bad. It started off well with a self-referential scene including Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan, and then it declined to nothingness. I didn't laugh once, heck I didn't even smile. The jokes were horrendous and seemed like they could only appeal to a three year old. Honestly. There were more jokes orientated towards bums then actually anything witty...in fact, there was no wit. It was aimless. Dumb. When was sticking an object up your ass and smelling it funny? When was spontaneously combusting babies humorous? I just can't even comprehend the thought process of this! The lack Anna Faris and Regina Hall was noticeable and was a huge detriment to this fifth instalment. Ashley Tisdale? Really!? Shouldn't she be singing next to a swimming pool in 'High School Musical 2'? Heck, I don't want her on my screen! Snoop Dogg? Usher!? They really were clutching at straws here, sweet lord! I saw better acting in the porn video I watched this morning, and there was no talking in that! Christ! This genre is done. This film has resulted in the decimation of parodies. It's outdated. It's stupid. It's absurdly unfunny. It's just wrong. Scary Movie V is, without a doubt, atrocious. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to chill in the sun with a fresh cold cider and rethink my life...

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