Teenager Owen is just trying to make it through life in the suburbs when his classmate introduces him to a mysterious late-night TV show — a vision of a supernatural world beneath their own. In t...
Well that was…Incredible. I find myself unable to even find the proper words to describe the way this film made me feel. I was so incredibly immersed into this to the point I found myself feeling nostalgic for a version of myself that’s never consciously existed. This experience had me feeling vulnerable in ways I can’t even begin to understand for myself and that is very telling. Identity truly is a blessing and a curse. The more I grow up, the more I start to question my identity and those questions that, for the most part, go unanswered are some of the most isolating curiosities of my reality. “Time moves fast these days, years pass like seconds, I just try not to think too hard about it”
Potential spoilers*
Let’s dive into the actual film now. The film itself is that of a scream muffled by suburbia and static. From the queer point of view, this felt like watching the ghost of yourself drift across a digital screen. I absolutely LOVED how the dichotomy of the tv/tv show (the pink opaque) and Owen was used as the central story point of this film. In “reality”, the stuff we see on tv is understood as a synthetic world in which we can’t “ethically” relate to since it's “fabricated” but in "I saw the tv glow", Owen and not only the pink opaque but their own television are one in the same. Essentially, what I mean by this is that although the pink opaque is viewed as a fictional show to others in Owens (and honourably Maddys) life, to them it is the confusing nature of being exposed to everything their life isn’t. But with that exact consideration is what makes them coexist so tragically. The pink opaque is (if it isn’t already obvious) a direct reflection of Owens real life struggles that they have trouble directly facing. While watching the show brings Owen a sense of comfort, it also confronts Owen with a sense of instability. The more they watch, the more they become almost forced to try and grasp the conflicting thoughts and feelings coming to fruition. Something I interpreted from the film was that the tv glow itself almost acted as the purgatory between feeling trapped within yourself and being able to fully embrace the identity you question. It is the light of possibility but it is also the light of personal barriers. It’s like you can see who you might be but you can't quite reach it. You can only watch it from a distance and the only thing connecting you to your endless possibility is the tv glow gently touching your face and the warmth of the glow brings just as much comfort as it does trembling confusion and personal crisis. An extremely vital point in this film is the connection between Maddy and Owen. Maddy’s character chooses to “escape” and venture into the unknown, breaking free of the binary narrative that was handed to her by life. The core difference between Maddy and Owen is that Maddy views the opaque as less of a fictional show and more as an individual map. When Maddy disappears, it wasn’t death she was faced with, it was the transcension to somebody else. This is the ideal outcome. From the queer perspective, coming out or even simply understanding one's true identity is, unfortunately, very familiar with that of a literal death ritual but from a deeper point of view it is actually the ultimate rebirth. Owen, on the other hand, stays and is trapped in the hand that life dealt them. Not just in their town but in their own body. Owen's identity remains ambiguous and unspoken. All of the signs in this film including Owen's “in the wrong life” dialogue, the contrasting scenes of Owen's age, and the visualization of their body alienated all embrace identity/transness through a lens of repression. The key point between these two characters is that when Maddy leaves, Owen isn’t just left behind by her but also left behind by themself. Because for Owen, Maddy isn’t just a friend. She is a reflection, a hope. That is one of the central horrors of this film; the feeling of being deprived of the version of yourself that was meant to live but didn’t.
This brings me to my philosophical analysis. Dying may be considered terrifying but having not lived at all is far beyond the definition of terrifying. That is the star of this film. It isn’t about taking action or solutions. It is central to the long period of stasis experienced by someone in Owen’s shoes. While the time and world is moving fast, Owen is held behind through the act of dissociation. The statement “having not lived at all is far beyond the definition of terrifying” translates to Owens' character embodying the pink ghost. Like when the ghost is drawn on Owens neck and then depicted as aggressively rubbed off—this is the symbolism of a spirit (Owen) lingering in the life they never lived…their soul was somewhere else and the sheer bond over the pink opaque between Owen and Maddy is symbolism for the queer vision of escaping. The sad truth in all of this is the fact that the whole “late blooming” concept sometimes never reaches a person at all. This isn’t because they don’t want to bloom…but because they weren’t physically able to bloom at all for various reasons. Towards the end of the film we are exposed to Owen reaching a breaking point. The screen/show is no longer a source of comfort. Reality is far beyond comprehension…so much so that even memory is now a form of betrayal. When Owen screams at the end of the film it is not for melodramatic purposes—it is the act of a deeply personal epiphany. It is the realization that everything was a shadow. Following the epiphany is the act of Owen splitting themself open, exposing a light that emerges from within. This, in my opinion, was one of the most powerful metaphors throughout the entire film—ESPECIALLY through a queer/trans perspective. This moment isn’t gore or horror, it is the spiritual exposure of the internal self. It represents the surfacing of the long time buried self identity breaking through the entrapment of performative living. The truest form of yourself never died, it was always glowing inside of you. But the devastating conclusion of this all was that by the time Owens' hidden truth came to light, it was already too late and their life had passed them by. The glow that emerges from within Owen isn’t that of hope…it’s the glow of grief. That grief is a representation of only knowing yourself after the world you have lived in made you into something else. The glow IS beautiful but unfortunately it doesn’t save Owen, it mourns them. This act was visceral but it was the final act of recognition. Owen eventually knew and that itself glows like a flare in the loneliest and darkest of places. Owen's pain is not resolved and I find that extremely poetic and real when applying this film to reality because regardless, buried deep within all of that pain is the revelation that the truth does always glow and once a person has made contact with it, even if it is faint, it never fully goes away. This was not a liberation, it was an elegy for the life that was never lived.
Aside from the deeply rooted symbolism in this film, the strategic technical details were perfect. The timeline, the cinematography, the dialogue, the lighting, the sound track. All of it was done, in my opinion, phenomenally. There was never a moment where I found myself not being 100% immersed into this project. And an honourable mention to using such a creative concept to emulate real life struggles. Finally, regardless if the film has a specific direction of narrative, I believe it could be easily interpreted to each individual queer/trans or not.
