WHAT I LIKED: Bringing the rubbish 'Fifty Shades of Grey' to the big screen was always going to be a horribly unpleasant task, and talking about the solace to be found within Sam Taylor-Johnson's final product is only really fruitful if you talk about what the film isn't. Yes for one, it could be argued that it's a good thing that this didn't end up as the bare erotica it could have been as it's just all so plain and dull. Instead, there are feeble attempts to build character and relationship outside of the steamy scenes, and there is some grey, corporate materialism to gawp at too.
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE: Really though, it winds up a very average, un-frenzied and un-exciting affair that's just as mainstream and mind-numbingly commercial as your average Transformers movie. Seriously, there's nothing raunchy or adventurous about this; the whole experience just lacks intrigue, wit, soul, or crucially, a sparky set of well-portrayed leads with good chemistry. Unfortunately in that potential gap is left one of the worst scripts I've ever seen and a duo of leads who are so constrained by the god-awful dialogue that you're left entirely disinterested and properly bored.
VERDICT: Lets not pretend it's anything else, 'Fifty Shades of Grey' is absolute crap. It's not exciting or raunchy; it's actually one of the most corporate, horribly-written, materialistic and soul-less exercises to ever blemish cinema, and it will definitely bore you to tears unless you buy into all that consumerist rubbish.