Twilight (2008)

User Review

• 

  buffed_film_buff

  2 / 10

  
  How iconic! And by iconic, I mean a literal piece of trash. If you are a Twilight fan I would recommend leaving this review right now. The YA novel movie adaptation phenomenon seems to have appeared shortly after this terrifying piece of literature was transferred on to the screen, a story of a girl madly in love with a vampire who really wants to bite her but he's suppressing the urge. How sweet. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson star as two extremely heavy breathing, lifeless characters. Unlike most anti-fans I'm aware that it's not bad acting that sunk this movie but a terrible screenplay from an even worse novel. Read it, I dare you. The plot is messy, and our so-called protagonist Bella Swan seems to live without morals of any kind. She wants to become a vampire by the end of this film, in order to live forever with Edward. What is she thinking? Please check for Stockholm Syndrome. This is the second vampire movie I've watched this month, and even though What We Do in the Shadows is a comedy and this a drama, this movie was even easier to laugh at because of the sheer ridiculousness that was everything. "You're glittering. You're beautiful." There is legitimately a scene where Edward is sucking venom out of a squirming Bella's body and the movie calmly plays folk/indie music in the background. What the hell! So many interesting characters in the supporting realm too! A mother who's happier without her child, a crew of gangbangers who Edward saves her from, this one girl named Jessica played by Anna Kendrick who basically just sits there as a translator for Bella's mopey personality. Yet three guys ask her to prom? What?! The CGI budget is used for Edward jumping from tree to tree and let's not even get started on all that creepy staring! And there were like 4 more films that only get worse from here! "I know what you are." "Say it!" "A shitty movie."

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